Cry It Out & The Ferber Method
Over the past few years, a great debate has developed about the best way of getting baby to sleep. On the one side of this debate are the doctors, pediatricians, and other experts who would say that baby should learn from an early age that they have to get themselves to sleep, and those on the opposite ‘team’ that would say that the more the parents stay involved, the better it will be. After once again saying that it is always a question of each baby (and family) being different, there are arguments in favor of both approaches. The baby getting themselves to sleep idea or the ‘Cry It Out’ method was first espoused some hundred years ago, and basically suggests that, once baby is four to six months old, they are emotionally ready to put themselves to sleep. This idea was then taken up by leading pediatrician Dr. Richard Ferber, who was the Director of the Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders at Children's Hospital in Boston. |
Dr. Ferber first sprang to fame – or notoriety – in 1985 with the publication of his book, Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems since when he has become widely known and acknowledged to be a leading — and often controversial — expert on children's sleep.
Ferber took the method for teaching babies to soothe themselves to sleep that was previously known as the ‘cry it out’ method and made it his own so effectively that it eventually became known as the Ferber method and parents who adopted the practices that he recommended were deemed to be “Ferberizing"!
In fact, given the undoubted truth that the old phrase referring to it as the "cry it out" method would, to many folks, sound like a relatively negative idea, adding the Ferber name to the practice was probably one of the greatest reasons for its popularity!
There is little doubt that the whole idea of ‘Cry It Out’ and Ferber’s updating of it in his book (republished in 2006) were and are very controversial views.
Indeed, over the years, Ferber’s regime of baby sleep training has sparked constant controversy among parents, pediatricians, and sleep experts alike. Many swear by the Ferber approach, while others claim that it creates lifelong emotional scars.
As suggested, the original name probably does not help a great deal either.
But there really is nothing that is particularly strange or weird about the methods that Ferber puts forward.
Basically, the approach assumes that for your baby to fall asleep of their own volition is a skill that can be learned, no different to any other. Thus, Ferber and other exponents of this methodology assume that it is a skill that your baby will learn as long as you are willing to give him the opportunity.
Many others would, however, criticize the whole idea behind the Ferber method, because they say that it is cruel, and can be emotionally damaging to your baby.
Nevertheless, it is not perhaps as cruel as its opponents would be happy to make it appear.
The fundamental idea is that at some point your child should learn to fall asleep on his or her own, and that the sooner they do so, the better it will be both for you and baby.
So, the ‘cry it out’ school of thought would have it that if your child gets used to you putting him to sleep, then he will not be ready and willing to do it for himself.
It follows that having you rock him to sleep, or if he or she only manages to fall asleep while you are nursing them, this only guarantees that your baby will never learn to fall asleep on their own.
Taking this theory a stage further, the Ferber methodology also suggests that if baby wakes up at any point during the night – in the way that all children and adults must do as part of any human being’s natural sleep cycle – then, if you are always willing to do everything for him or her, baby will naturally become alarmed and cry for you instead of being able to go back to sleep on their own.
By contrast, if your baby gradually learns to relax and soothe himself into sleep at bedtime, he can then also use the same skill when he wakes up at night or even during his daytime nap.
And the descriptive term ‘cry it out’ is something of a misnomer too, as the objective is not that baby should cry!
But, given that your baby will initially be unused to the idea of being separated from you, then the chances are pretty high that, at least at first, he or she will cry.
This is something that even the strongest supporters of the Ferber method will confirm. They would say that it's an inevitable side effect as your baby gradually adjusts to sleeping on his or her own.
They would claim that the short-term ‘pain’ of a few tears being shed is far outweighed by the longer term advantages.
The claim would be that a child who goes to sleep easily and happily on his own is a well balanced and adjusted child who is already getting used to and beginning to accept the reality that you, as a parent, cannot always be there all of the time.
And, at the same time, so the proponents of the Ferber method would suggest, you will get a good nights rest as well, which will inevitably mean that you are far more ready and able to give your baby the love and attention that he or she craves.
At some point between ages of three to six months, the fact is that most babies are able to sleep through the night, although that does not mean that they are ready for a ‘solid eight hours’!
But, like almost everything else that you will discover about your baby and his sleep habits, this is no ‘cast iron’ certainty.
If by this age your baby isn't yet sleeping five or six hours straight, you're not alone, because every baby is different!
But, so the Ferber theory goes, if you can train baby to get themselves to sleep the first time, then they will keep on doing it, so, even if they do awake, that does not necessarily mean that you must do the same every time!
For many parents, of course, the sound of baby crying is almost physically painful. No doubt these parents would feel that letting baby cry is both cruel and unnatural, something that might cause irreparable damage to the child.
Ferber and others who concur with his methodology would disagree vehemently with this idea. They would suggest that it merely introduces your baby to the idea that they must have some independence from their mother at an early age.
If this is the case, then it becomes very hard to argue with Ferber’s methods and the whole ethos of the ‘cry it out’ theory.
But, of course, the Ferber method and the ideas behind it are not universally accepted by all pediatricians and experts.
Does Crying It Out Damage Your Child?
There’s little doubt that, with the first publication of Ferber’s work in 1985, the attitude of parents worldwide changed, and this was especially noticeable in the USA.
In many ways, this should come as no surprise to anyone.
In effect, parents everywhere, who had previously felt that it was their duty to get out of bed five or six times a night to tend to baby had just been given carte blanche to stay in bed without feeling any guilt about doing so!
After all, one of the leading pediatricians in the USA had just written a best selling book that unequivocally stated that it was actually the best thing that you could do for baby to do so!
Thus, Ferber’s theories were adopted enthusiastically almost everywhere (hence the book becoming a best seller in the first place!).
Unfortunately, in 2000, two leading medical researchers from Harvard University came out and said that Ferber’s theory was totally wrong, and that it was a basic requirement of good parenting that Mom and Dad should keep their babies
close, console them when they cry, and bring them to bed with
them, where (the research claimed) they'll feel safe.
The study claimed that the apparently widespread American habit of putting babies in separate beds or even in separate rooms and not responding to their cries could possibly lead to more incidents of post-traumatic stress and panic disorders among youngsters and on into later life too.
The report then went on to claim that the practice of parents ignoring babies cries led to baby suffering stress due to the separation that they would most likely feel in these circumstances.
This stress was claimed to cause changes in the infant brain that makes the future adult more susceptible to stress in their lives, and the report claimed that it was (and is) a parents duty to recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms the baby permanently.
Of course, the supporters of the Ferber doctrine dismissed this as scare-mongering, but the fact was that the Harvard research adopted a unique cross-disciplinary approach, examining brain function, emotional learning in infants, and cultural differences, which gave considerable scientific weight to its findings.
Parents too might feel that it is not natural or comfortable to just let baby cry, without trying to do anything about it. Indeed, whether it is comfortable or not to let baby cry, the fact is that it is their only means of ‘verbal’ communication.
Such a school of thought would assert that crying is the only way that baby can tell you that there is a problem, and that it is therefore irresponsible parenting to simply ignore their cries. This is, after all, his or her only voice and therefore it is your job as a parent to heed these cries, and solve whatever the problem is that is causing the baby to cry out.
This is not to say that a good parent will never allow a baby to cry. Babies cry a lot, for all sorts of reasons, both real and imagined, because it is their only means of communication.
And young babies do not yet understand that they should only cry when something is genuinely wrong. Thus it is that, in order to avoid damaging your baby psychologically (so the argument goes) you should never ignore your babies cries if at all possible.
Given that babies cannot understand the adult perception of what is and what is not ‘logical’, then they cannot grasp that sometimes a parent might believe that they are crying for a reason and that at other times, parents could believe that baby is faking it!
Baby Knows Best!
Thus it is that some people believe that it is best to let your baby cry themselves to sleep, whilst those on the other side of the fence swear that such behavior will irreparably damage any child.
But, the indisputable fact is that the way that an infant initially goes to sleep at night is the way that he or she will expect to go back to sleep when they awaken, whenever that might be.
So, logically, if your infant is always rocked or nursed to sleep, then he or she will expect to be rocked or nursed back to sleep every time they waken up, no matter what time it is.
The most sensible approach would therefore be to balance what you do between the extremes of always letting you baby cry and never letting them do so.
You should sometimes nurse baby off to sleep and sometimes rock them off to sleep. At other times, you could perhaps sing him or her off to sleep, and sometimes use tape recordings of gentle music to achieve the same thing.
And do not be afraid to have some time to yourself either.
Make an effort whenever possible to switch off with your spouse after putting your little pride and joy to bed.
As suggested in some detail above, there are two very clearly divided schools of thought on the best way to put babies to sleep.
These might be termed the parent-soothing method and the self-soothing method.
Both have advantages and some (possible) disadvantages.
Summary:
Parent-soothing method
When your baby is apparently ready to sleep, one parent (and it is important to note that this is not only a job for Mom) helps baby make a gentle, peaceful transition from being awake to falling asleep, usually by nursing, rocking, singing, or whatever comforting techniques work.
Advantages:
Baby quickly learns a healthy sleep attitude, accepting that sleep is both a comfortable state to enter and not a scary place to be.
It creates fond memories that will often last for life of being softly parented to sleep.
And it will certainly help build parent-infant trust
Possible "Disadvantages"
Baby learns to rely on an outside prop to get to sleep, so the theory would have it that when baby awakens he or she will expect the same prop – you – to help them get back to sleep. It does not take a genius to realize that this is potentially extremely exhausting for you!
Self-soothing method (a variation of the Ferber method)
Baby is put down awake and regardless of how much crying he or she does, baby is ‘forced’ to go to sleep by themselves. Parents offer only sporadic and intermittent comforting, but are not always going to be there when baby finally drifts off to sleep.
Advantages
As suggested, if baby can learn to go to sleep without any external prompting or assistance, then he or she should be better equipped to go back to sleep without parental help when ever they awaken, because baby no longer associates going to sleep with having the comforting presence of a parent. Whilst we have already established that this might be tough on baby (and damaging too, if you believe the research) there can little doubt that it is ultimately less exhausting for you.
Possible Disadvantages:
- Involves a fair degree of letting baby cry for attention
- Possibly puts a strain on the trust that is inherent in the baby/parent relationship.
- It is seldom likely to work if your baby is a high need child.
- Risks ignoring the fact that sometimes baby cries because there really is something wrong, for example, a medical problem.
Remember, at all times that, in creating your own parenting-to-sleep routine, you need to be sensitive to the nighttime needs of your individual baby and that anything that you ever read or hear about how to care for a baby is not written or said with your specific baby in mind.
Also, do not allow yourself to lose sight of the ultimate goal, which is to create a healthy sleep attitude in your baby and equally as importantly, to help all members of your household to get a good night’s sleep!Solving Sleeplessness in Infants Will Help You...
The History Of Drugs & Baby Sleep
What Causes Baby Sleeplessness?
Cry It Out & The Ferber Method
